I'm currently reading 'Your Life On Purpose' by Mathey Mckay, John P. Forsyth and Georg H. Eifert. It really has helped me to clarify what's really important to me. Like something I always known, but hadn't been able to get enough distance to see and verbalise - let alone act on, this book has enabled me to see the value of putting my self-development first. Just like you attend to your own oxygen mask, before you help others, as the plane looses cabin pressure, (thankfully I haven't had to put this into practice yet). Not only do I now see how important this first step is towards increasing valued living, I can now see how vital self-compassion is to me and for me, just like oxygen.
Coming into contact with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) in 2007, as a much needed evolution of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has helped me to notice more and more those times when I haven't been holding this value as a vital activity. I feel very grateful to be able to use ACT in my work as a Psychotherapist, and savour seeing how liberating ACT can be even for people who have been suffering for years and years, and who have tried everything else. I value helping people to cultivate their own self-compassion. I can only fully move towards this value by putting my own self-compassion first. Self-compassion for me is in question in how I do everything I do. Noticing I can slow down to a gentler pace in all activities that are important. Steve Hayes often talks about the need to hold values lightly, just as we can learn to hold thoughts lightly. Self-compassion is the how for me of holding lightly. It is learning to become more and more self-forgiving (plenty of opportunities for that, thanks mind!) Giving yourself self-compassion especially at times when your mind says you need bring out a big stick to yourself, is the most life enhancing thing you can do imho.
